Ageing with Love

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Today, my partner and I met a lonely lady at a HDB void deck while walking back from Old Airport hawker centre. When we saw her, she was having violent spasms and had lost hold of her walking stick. For a moment, she leaned backwards and was almost going to fall over, TW and I quickly ran forward to grab hold of her. We aided her back to the bench at the old citizen's corner where she tried to walk from.

She was apologetic while explaining in fluent mandarin that her spasms are due to overactive nerves and are not done on purpose. The spasms come and go as they wish, and she has no control over them.

We asked her where she was going and she said she was walking to Old Airport to buy a button and new pair of slippers. TW and I immediately voiced out our worries, it's so dangerous for her to be out alone and what if the spasms happened when she was crossing the road? Furthermore, the path to the market is not short, and she still needs to cross a road where there is no traffic light. We offered to walk back to buy the stuff she needs for her, but she refused.

Then she revealed her story.

She had actually 'ran out' of house while her daughter-in-law was not at home, to take a breather, and would like very much to walk to the market and buy those things herself. Ever since the spasms got worse, she has not gone out and not spoken to anyone, because her daughter-in-law doesn't speak to her at home.

Then at that moment, she almost broke out into tears as she thanked God for letting her speak to someone today, because speaking to someone actually means that she would have to exercise her vision/hearing/thought processing, and she's actually gaining a lot by speaking to us. We were touched by her gratefulness, and stood there listening to her under the void deck, for about 2 hours...

She said that earlier on, someone at a nearby coffee shop said that her spasms are faked, and she felt so insulted and upset, because she truly had no control over the spasms and it hurts her deeply that people despise her because of that. She admitted that she scolded that person for she was wronged, and she has dignity. And once, she spasm-ed and fell onto a grass patch and couldn't get up.

She used to have, but now have lost most of her possessions in life. She was married to a man who got rich and then divorced her to be with another woman. She used to be a dancer (even showed us a photo of her holding onto trophies)but now have to deal with the spasms. It pains us to hear of her degeneration... But despite that, she kept repeating that she is grateful enough that she is able to have 3 meals a day and thanks God for that.

We tried to persuade her to go home and not to go to the market anymore, but when we walked away towards TW's house, we peeped back and saw that she was already making her way to the market. We spied on her until she reached a place where there are more people, so if the spasms decide to start again, somebody would be in close proximity.

Sigh, it's really disheartening to hear old people having to suffer such things when they should be at home, surrounded by grandkids and family, enjoying their love and care. But a large proportion of elderly in Singapore do not get to have that luxury. Or even when they have the opportunity to be taken care of at home, they might not be treated with the amount of respect that they deserve.

They are old, but they are not without feelings and dignity. They are humans too. It's not a good feeling to be forgotten and treated without respect.

I would like to urge the younger generation to not have gerontophobia - fear of old people, and start by talking/listening to your own grandparents more. Show them that you love them and you'll only stand to gain from their life experiences.

In her eyes, we saw humility, gratefulness, and a dignity to live life, whatever it throws her. We took away her entire 77 years of life experience with us, and walked away with more life lessons that we can ever have with our 22 years of life. And 2 hours was not all that long to spare.